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Conquering Shame and Codependency by Darlene Lancer
1. The shame experience
2. Shame and Identity
3. Escaping Shame
5. Shame and Symptoms of codependency
6. Love’s Silent Killer
7. Sexual Shame
8. 8 Steps to Free Your true self
The Introduction is a true account of how the author attended an Al-Alnon program in 1979, and she did not trust or value herself or even know who she was “outside the roles she played each day.” I think this is an experience most women encounter and we need to get off the treadmill of people pleasing and get back in touch with our feelings and stop people pleasing. Yes, steps to get over codependency.
I loved the chart on page 124:
· Intense attraction
· Idealize each other and ignore difference
· Fall in love and make commitments
· Get to know each other
· Become disappointed
· Cling to romantic fantasy of love
· Try to change partner into ideas
· Feel resentful and unloved
That did it for me, because then you learn how to become whole and have healthy relationships. The information in this book was beyond my expectations, and I learned more about shame and how it can stem from childhood onto adulthood. This is my top ten list of favorites for 2014. © 2014 Jackie Paulson
A nationally recognized author and codependency expert examines the roots of shame and its connection with codependent relationships. Learn how to heal from their destructive hold by implementing eight steps that will empower the real you, and lead to healthier relationships.
Shame: the torment you feel when you’re exposed, humiliated, or rejected; the feeling of not being good enough. It’s a deeply painful and universal emotion, yet is not frequently discussed. For some, shame lurks in the unconscious, undermining self-esteem, destroying confidence, and leading to codependency. These codependent relationships–where we overlook our own needs and desires as we try to care for, protect, or please another–often cover up abuse, addiction, or other harmful behaviors. Shame and codependency feed off one another, making us feel stuck, never able to let go, move on, and become the true self we were meant to be.
In Conquering Shame and Codependency, Darlene Lancer sheds new light on shame: how codependents’ feelings and beliefs about shame affect their identity, their behavior, and how shame can corrode relationships, destroying trust and love. She then provides eight steps to heal from shame, learn to love yourself, and develop healthy relationships.